Posted on Saturday, 8 November, 2008 By yours truly | TOOLS:Talk or Share
The Top 5 list for things our gleaming new president
can do to prove to the world we aren’t imperial wankers
Photo by Brendan Smialowski/Getty Images
Barack Obama is “the goodest person we’ve ever had as a presidential candidate,” deemed Sarah Silverman. He is “our last hope of ending this country’s reputation as the asshole of the universe.”
And the U.S. populace is now in a drunken dance frenzy to a club remix of The Witch is Dead. That’s a good thing. Soak it up. Enjoy the moment. There’s a currently a collective sigh of relief heard around the world, even in places where people don’t expect large degrees of change. The achievement of an African American should be lauded.
I want the cynics among us to pause at least long enough to appreciate the historical significance of the incoming 44th president’s victory. I want the blind party-line enthusiasts to fess up how similar the candidates were to one another on most issues. And lastly, I want my independent-voting pals out there to honestly admit that while the differences were few, they translate into some clear divisions. And everyone should admit that they voted mostly because they were freaked out.
In 2004 I was hoping to watch the election from south of the border. A flash flood in California killed my car and cost me a bunch of money and put that dream to an end. I ended up cruising around the various election night parties of Olympia, WA, mooching free grub and brew as I went and watching people grow more and more drunk and depressed as Bush won another round. What a difference four years makes. I got to watch this election from abroad, living and working in the UK. Married, home-owning, kid having and wandering around with enough loose change to buy my own brews. And mostly I slept through the results.
In October 1967, while on a bombing mission over Hanoi, McCain, a naval aviator, and his fellow pilots are captured by the North Vietnamese. They are all brainwashed into believing McCain is a prisoner of war until 1973, experiencing episodes of torture and refusing an out-of-sequence early repatriation offer, and that he continued to actively to resist the camp authorities.
The Republican party intends to use McCain — who the media has been brainwashed into referring to as a “maverick” — as a sleeper agent and, using the queen of diamonds in a deck of playing cards as a subconscious trigger, compel him to follow their orders, which he does not remember afterwards. McCain is controlled by none other than his own politically ambitious and domineering running mate from Alaska, Governor Sarah Palin, who is working with the Alaskan Independence Party in a plot to overthrow the U.S. government.
Posted on Saturday, 13 September, 2008 By yours truly | TOOLS:Talk or Share
And I already feel like it’s a waste of server space to spend this many characters on McCain’s VP candidate. Nevermind posting any picture of her with this. I don’t want to see them on my site and they’ll only serve as masterbation fodder for all those Palin fetishists out there. You know who you are.
Bloggers love blogging about Palin, but they seem to go for the biggest nonsensee, blathering on about whether she’s cheated on her husband or claiming one or more of her daughter’s offspring as her own. Who cares?
I don’t give a fig that her daughter’s knocked up by some red neck whose hobbies includes “messing up” anyone who “fucks with” him. Chalk one up for the class war, it’s about time the Big Mac and Walmart crowd got their run at the White House. I enjoy hearing her flat folksy “plains accent” about as much as I like hearing Eastern European heavy metal, but ou know, who really listens to a vice president anyway? She’s to McCain what Dan Quayle was to George Bush more than what Dick Cheney is to the other George Bush.
But I don’t really get why so many people don’t care that she lacks the capacity to speak a single true statement, or about her obscene abuse of political power, her waste of taxpayer money, her attempts to ban books, her desire to make abortion illegal, her lying about visiting Iraq (and who cares if she did?), her spooky tounges-speaking end-timey religious convictions, and her absolute stupidity. Sarah Palin’s supidity is easily google-able, so no need to run through it here.
Just consider this: The flat earth party has put forth its most strange candidate yet and they’re still matching the Democrats in the popularity polls. Whose fault is that?
“There are some things that it is better to begin than to refuse, even though the end may be dark.”
